Saturday, August 4, 2007

He Isn't Going to LEAVE ?!?!

In honor of the garage sale that Bubba's Sis is having this weekend, I thought I'd post a few of the funny stories that occurred as a result of my garage sale that I had right before we moved.

My in-laws and my husband were taking a load of our items to the new state, so I volunteered to have the garage sale by myself (I like it better that way anyway). We had about 3 families' worth of stuff at this sale, so there was lots to choose from.

I was sitting on some of the furniture that was for sale (really ugly stuff - didn't sell) reading a book, when this rather dirty, elderly man comes to the sale.

He walks into the garage and spots these giant jugs that my mother-in-law had for sale and says "What'd you quit drinking?" I chuckled (this is a harmless old man, right?) and said "Nope, those aren't mine".

Then he spots an incense burner that my partner-in-crime had for sale (a pretty little burner with an angel on it), and the man looks at me and says "What? And you quit smoking pot too? What the hell's the matter with you?" I chuckled again (but now a little nervously) and replied "Nope, that's not mine either".

Then, my husband calls on the cell phone to check in with me. As he's talking to me, the old man picks up a leather mini-skirt that I had for sale because it was too big for me. He says "How much is this?" I told my husband that someone wanted to know how much the skirt was (remember - my husband has NO idea about this guy). My husband says "Tell him 5 bucks". So, I told the old man, and he replies "Well, I can't buy it until you model it for me!" My husband does not know anything about the old man who is saying this and replies "DON'T tell him that it is too big and will fall right off of you, or he will want you to model it for sure!"

So, my husband and I end our phone conversation with the normal "I love you"s and I hang up. The old man looks at me and says "Who were you talking to? Your boyfriend?" I said "No, my husband" He looks at me like I've lost my mind and says "Your husband? You ain't been married long then." I said "Going on six years" The old man replies "And you still love him??? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Then, he spots some Furbies that my partner-in-crime had for sale - You know, the little electronic pet thingies that talk and move their eyes. Well, the man points to one of the furbies and says "That looks just like my wife!" I thought 'Oh man, he's insulting his wife'. Then he proclaims "She's dead - it's for the best". Ok - I'm ready for him to leave now!

So, the man proceeds to come over and pull up a foot rest and sit down in front of me - just sitting there starting at me. I am now beginning to get quite nervous - I'm thinking 'Oh my gosh, he's not going to leave!!!'

Right about then, my uncle-in-law (God bless him!) goes riding by on their golf cart (whew thank you, thank you). The old man says "Who's that? Your husband?" I replied "No, that's my uncle, and I'm sure he's on his way here to check on me." (At least, I'm praying he is!) The old man says "Well, he's an ugly damn cuss!" I'm just sitting there with my jaw on the ground and planning my escape route when my uncle-in-law (thank goodness - this got him serious brownie points) comes walking into the garage. The old man promptly got to his feet and left. I proceeded to proclaim to my uncle-in-law over and over again that he is DEFINITELY my favorite uncle ever! After telling him the story, he calmly looked out over the driveway and the golf cart and states "I think I'll be coming to check on you several times tomorrow." Ya gotta love that man!

Next post, I'll tell ya about "My Dad, The Wolf, and The Furby" - That one is LMQ's favorite!

5 comments:

Lawn Mower Queen

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy the Furby story! Which remind me, I must mail the wolf some batteries.

Don't forget the vitamin stop next door and the "boom, big hole". those are classics too.

Bubba's Sis

Yikes! That's scary! Good thing your uncle came by! I had someone with me at all times during my sale - but no one too scary showed up. At least not THAT scary!

Stacey

Always wanted an uncle--very fortunate you are! Mine lives in Las Vegas, hardly ever see him. xo

Stacey

Always wanted an uncle--very fortunate you are! Mine lives in Las Vegas, hardly ever see him. xo

D...

Yikes! That's some serious scary stuff. Glad your uncle-in-law showed up when he did.

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