Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Too Many Emotions

I had a post typed out. No, I had six two posts typed out, and I deleted them. I am feeling so many emotions right now, and to type everything that is swirling around in my head and my heart would end up with my writing a book.
1. I am thankful - I am thankful for my support group of certain family members and friends, who love me and believe in me no matter what. And, just as important, I am thankful for the internet, which has allowed me to connect with people and make some amazing friendships I would have never had the chance of discovering without the ability to reach across these invisible lines which span the whole world and turn on my computer each morning to eagerly visit my favorite people and read their thoughts and messages. Which leads me to being thankful for you... and you... and you... I love, love, love blogging and the people I have met. This is honestly a dream come true for me. I may sound sappy right now, but I honestly don't care. I'm just stating how I feel.
2. I'm scared - I now have a page rank of 0 - Yes, that's a ZERO. I know it's just a number, and it shouldn't matter. However, I have honestly reached a point in my life where I can earn an income and enjoy every minute of it. I love writing and photography. I love connecting to people throughout the world. I have been so happy and thankful for this opportunity. And, now, I'm afraid that it was just as I had feared - too good to be true. I may be wrong... it may change (yet, again)... but, then again... it may not. I feel like I was this close... I actually had those who doubt me believing that I could do this. Now, again, I may have to swallow my pride and my words. I've been giving in to others for so long, and it feels so good to be choosing for me - finally.
3. I'm tired - Today was my registration date for my college courses, but I didn't register. What was I thinking? I'm not sure. Yes, I am sure - but I was thinking many, many things, and a call to my academic advisor went unanswered. So, I just allowed myself to quit thinking about it. I've become pretty good over the past year at allowing myself to quit thinking about things. It may sound bad, but honestly, it isn't. I have always stressed about things so much that it was unhealthy. So, in all actuality, the fact that I've allowed myself to just 'quit thinking' about things may be healthy for me.
4. I'm angry and hurt - but I don't like to dwell on that - so I'm not going to allow it.
5. I'm thankful. Yes, I know I already said that - but I feel it so strongly that it deserves to be repeated.
THANK YOU to all of you who read my words, look at my photos, listen to my BS, laugh at my corny or embarrassing stories... Because all of it - all of it is encouragement and friendship. I honestly thank you with every bit of my being.
I could keep typing and rambling, but I must go to sleep now. The pounding on walls and roof comes awfully early in the morning.

10 comments:

Kara

I'm so sorry your PR dropped to 0 :( That really stinks. Luckily with PPP page rank isn't supposed to be such a big factor soon, once they release Argus in January, so hopefully it will get better for all of us. I'm glad you have so many people to encourage you and help you out :)

Tammy

Have you checked your ppp page rank? Mine still says it's a 2. Almost everyones page rank is showing 0, even Skittles and we both know she doesn't have a 0. They are just readjusting it again. Give it some time and it will go back up. It's this new page rank algorithm, it's taking so long to finish. I'll go kick Mr.Google in the butt and tell him to get his act together.

The Uneasy Supplicant

Hey you...my pagerank has dropped to N/A. At least you got a 0. :-)
You'll get through it. Take a deep breath, look around, realize what really is important. Keep plugging on. You've got lots of friends. I really don't know if my words help but I know where you've been and where you are. All I can say is look in the mirror and don't let anything or anyone beat you down. Scream, put on the gloves and beat the walls, cry if you have to ... then take a deep breath and carry on. We're all in your corner ...
~JD

Carrie Smith

Watching you PR take a drop can really hit you hard...I know it did for me. I was literally almost in tears and my husband was just as upset for me as well. I had to walk away from the computer for a few days. To me a lot of hard work goes into getting and keeping your rank up so when it drops so does that good feeling.

Mine went down to a 1 from a 3 :0(
Give it time and I'm sure we will see it go up again

have a great day
Carrie

The Egel Nest

Someone needs to write a blog about how NOT to let a page ranking affect your life...

We are thankful for you too :)


Bradley
The Egel Nest

bundle-o-contradictions

((big hugs))

Anna

I love the blogging people I have met, too - and you're one of them! Hang in there.

Being thankful is so important. It's good that you said it again. Sometimes when things seem so bad you just don't know where to turn, just finding one thing to be thankful for is a life saver. I see you have way more than one!

D...

Can you explain this page ranking for me? As in, who ranks it and how does it get ranked? I am sorry that this has completely thrown you for a loop. I hope it's just a glitch in the system.

Keep reminding yourself of all those things that you are thankful for. And, yes, sometimes it is healthier to just 'quit thinking.' No shame in your game at all.

Linda

I'm afraid that I am right there with you in the 0 pile and I am hurt, angry, and depressed about the whole thing. PPP still has me listed as a '2' but I get the feeling that won't last for long and I don't know how long it will take them to get their new system rolled out.

I feel like I have been sucker-punched and totally devalued despite the fact that I know I write a good blog - just as you do. I wish we didn't have to place so much emphasis on Page Rank but it's how some of us earn extra cash and Google has basically snatched that away from us.

I'm having a Pity Party of my own today and you're welcome to attend!

Linda

For a glimmer of hope - go check out this post on IZEA's new ranking system. It might help you feel a bit better at least - honest!

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